catch28

This housing thing is just a huge issue at the moment. I’ve almost escaped the place I’ve been living at, in that I’m fully packed and waiting for the movers on saturday, meanwhile i’m living out of a backpack at my parents house. I’ve culled everything I own down to one suitcase and another packback to live out off while I’m here for the next few weeks, and everything else is in boxes. I’m probably the most prepared that i’ve ever been for the actual process of moving, all I have left to pack is my groceries, and my half a bottle of honey flavoured 42 below vodka (mmm… vodka…). I must not leave the vodka behind.

Now begins the gruelling process of finding a new place to live. Which will involve a) early saturday mornings, and b) not spending any money. Which is gonna suck muchly, cuz it seems after the relative lack of things on in June, everything is happening in July, and I’m not just talking that week we’ll spend making balloon animals out of condoms for the catholics when they come for that world pregnancy festival (maybe it was only in my area, but I went to a catholic highschool, and girls always got pregnant at the catholic youth group camp in the middle of the year. Do they really think sending thousands of catholic kids halfway round the world to spend a week without parental supervision wont result in a few immaculate conceptions? "No mum, it wasn’t billy, it was god!" Umm, surely the catholics know that catholics breed like catholics, you’d think!). But anyway, back to my point, much happening in July, and me able to spend very little money, and having to be up early on saturdays. It makes for a not very happy camper.

But, some good stuff is happening. I moved desks at work today, and now I’m next to a window, with heaps of natural light. It may not sound like much, but i’m one of those people whose moods get seriously affected by the amount of sun they get, or lack of it. So I spent today all bouncy and happy, which was a welcome relief. Helps me think I can get through all  this housing crap without resorting to going all emo, dying my hair black and listening to my chemical romance while drawing scars on my wrists with sharpie ink (god love emo kids).  Oh, and I’m getting a pay rise. Which is my second pay rise in the three months I’ve been working in my new job. Which, combined with the new tax cuts, makes me think I might be able to afford the horrendous amount of rent I’ll have to pay in order to not live with a psycho flatmate. Now if only I could find someplace…

My crappy housing situation is continuing to suck no end. So much so that I left this morning at 7.15am, and did not come home til 11pm, all in an effort to avoid the psycho housemate. But a brilliant plan has occured to me! Well, only brilliant compared to the plan of staying here. And that’s to move my essentials out on wednesday, and not come back til saturday when I’ve scheduled the moving van. You see, I booked the van a few weeks ago, and then was planning to take friday off work to pack everything up. But my team is having yum cha for lunch on friday, and I’m meeting a friend for lunch on thursday, and I’ve got my team meeting tomorrow and we’re having mudcake, so the only day I can take off is wednesday, and even then I’m missing the office wide end of financial year meeting with supplied snacks. But I can pack up everything on wednesday, and then not come back til saturday, when I move everything else.

I’ve got a week and a half to go before moving out of my current place, and it’s proving to be incredibly painful. I spend hours and hours out of the house each day, because the thought of coming back here is too depressing. And I came home tonight to discover my housemate had been in my room again! and left the door to my balcony unlocked again! Each night I walk home, and as I approach my place I start going over and over in my head everything I would say to her, "you’re a control freak, you’re patronising, you’ve got appaling communication skills, you’re a liar, you don’t fucking look after your cats, etc etc etc" and I have to calm myself down and remind myself its not much longer, it’ll be over soon, better to bite my tongue and not cause problems cuz it’ll be over soon. And then I remember that after this, I’ll be back out west at my parents for a few weeks till I have enough money together for bond and such. And the time stretches out til all this will be over and it’s never gonna fucking stop raining.

The problem with being in the middle of something, is that it’s hard to gain perspective. The beginning is back there, somewhere in the past, and things were different then, and the end is still a hazy distance off in the future, too distant to know how things will look like. People comment while you’re in then middle of it, exclaiming at your progress, how well it’s going, how good it must be for you, and all you can think is "it’s just what i’m doing now." You can’t take thier words on board, cuz it isn’t finished, this isn’t where you want to be, this is just the middle, and there’s still a long way to go. And it’s strange, because I’ve already spent most of my year doing this, so much time, so many hours, so many days, while everythings been going on around me. It feels like things! stuff! events! are happening to everyone else, and I plod on, more hours, more days, thinking maybe, when I get there, I’ll be able to see where I’ve been, and think its all been worth it, but right now i just don’t know. It’s just what I’m doing now.