catch28

So I’ve decided not to go to queensland in october, and not to go to lismore for new year, and not take any of my holidays from work between now and may next year. This is mainly because during my recent housing crisis I had very little money saved, which meant I had to move back to my parents for a bit, and put in place a strict savings plan. And the thing is, I’ve found that because of my savings plan, even with the increased rent I’m now paying, I’m still saving money. I have a small wad of cash saved now, which by new year should be quite a sizable wad. Which by may should be enough of a wad to do something quite exciting with, which will also coincide with enough leave from work saved up to also do something quite exciting with. So I’m thinking of doing something quite exciting that I’ve not been able to do before, like travel, which would be cool. *must resist urge to by new computer*

So what this means is priorities. And opportunity cost. Priorities are the good things, the goals you make, and the thoughts you have to keep you motivated. Opportunity cost is all the stuff you could have done, but are deciding not to, because of the priorities. If one wished to achieve one’s priorities without becoming excessively debt-laden, the opportunity cost will come first. So I have months of opportunity costs to look forward to. So, no sleaze, no camping at broken hill, no lismore, no tropical fruits, no computer, no leave from work. Some I don’t care about, like sleaze. Others are sad because they are genuine opportunities to do things i’ve not done before, like camping at broken hill. And others are heart-breaking, cuz no matter how I figure it, I can’t make a trip to lismore cost $250 or less for the three days I could do it without taking extra time off work (and that’s excluding the cost of tickets and party favours). Petrol costs too much to drive, and camping is really only possible if you drive, and there’s no accomodation in town for less then $200 per night, and accomodation outside of town is too far without a car. Of course, I could change my mind, or up my budget, but the decision really needs to be made now on accomodation. And having been to lismore for new year three times previously, but never having been to, say, Istanbul, I think I’ll prioritise saving the money. I’ve also not done a new year in sydney since the whole concept of a queer new year in sydney imploded, so it might be interesting to stay and see what happens, especially since the done thing is to not be in sydney for new year anymore. I mean really, was there anyone from sydney not in lismore last year? It was a little ridiculous.

This housing thing is just a huge issue at the moment. I’ve almost escaped the place I’ve been living at, in that I’m fully packed and waiting for the movers on saturday, meanwhile i’m living out of a backpack at my parents house. I’ve culled everything I own down to one suitcase and another packback to live out off while I’m here for the next few weeks, and everything else is in boxes. I’m probably the most prepared that i’ve ever been for the actual process of moving, all I have left to pack is my groceries, and my half a bottle of honey flavoured 42 below vodka (mmm… vodka…). I must not leave the vodka behind.

Now begins the gruelling process of finding a new place to live. Which will involve a) early saturday mornings, and b) not spending any money. Which is gonna suck muchly, cuz it seems after the relative lack of things on in June, everything is happening in July, and I’m not just talking that week we’ll spend making balloon animals out of condoms for the catholics when they come for that world pregnancy festival (maybe it was only in my area, but I went to a catholic highschool, and girls always got pregnant at the catholic youth group camp in the middle of the year. Do they really think sending thousands of catholic kids halfway round the world to spend a week without parental supervision wont result in a few immaculate conceptions? "No mum, it wasn’t billy, it was god!" Umm, surely the catholics know that catholics breed like catholics, you’d think!). But anyway, back to my point, much happening in July, and me able to spend very little money, and having to be up early on saturdays. It makes for a not very happy camper.

But, some good stuff is happening. I moved desks at work today, and now I’m next to a window, with heaps of natural light. It may not sound like much, but i’m one of those people whose moods get seriously affected by the amount of sun they get, or lack of it. So I spent today all bouncy and happy, which was a welcome relief. Helps me think I can get through all  this housing crap without resorting to going all emo, dying my hair black and listening to my chemical romance while drawing scars on my wrists with sharpie ink (god love emo kids).  Oh, and I’m getting a pay rise. Which is my second pay rise in the three months I’ve been working in my new job. Which, combined with the new tax cuts, makes me think I might be able to afford the horrendous amount of rent I’ll have to pay in order to not live with a psycho flatmate. Now if only I could find someplace…

It’s hard, but I really wish well of people. Especially of people that I’ve suffered hurt from. I don’t hope that they fall down and life kicks them in the teeth, although sometimes I really wish I would want that. But deep down, underneath all the hurt and pain I still carry round, underneath all that, I wish them well. I hope they’re happy, and doing well, and contributing to the wellness of others. Cuz its not the same as it once was, what I have is remembered pain, the remembrance of what it was like, because, when I stop and take stock, its all going really well for me, and there’s no reason for me to wish ill of others. Everything has lead me to here, and i can’t say i’m unhappy. So I wish you all happiness, and I hope you’re doing well.

To sum up.

Rushing to find an outfit. Big Parade. Lots’o'hotties. Walk to venue through huge crowd.

Lining up. Strange venue. Bizarrely incongruous crowd. Price gouged for beer and vodka.

Dancing on a step. Telling everyone about new job. Cementing new friendships. Ghetto Pussy.

Heading off. Cheap anonymous sex. Smelly. Shower. Not enough sleep. Not enough water.

Watching "Bearcub" on SBS. Sleep. Wake up. Phone doesn’t work. Email work. More sleep.

Bus to metro. Food, finally. Icky feeling from food. Still not enough water. Bus home. Reading. Reading. Reading.

Phone works. New sim. New company. Same number. Relief. Reading. Reading. Reading. Reading.

So that’s about where I am now. My head hurts from the lack of sleep, the lack of water, and the lack of remembering to wear my glasses. Been feeling a bit down, more the result of chemicals than any actual problems, so I know it’ll pass. So tomorrow I go back to work where I’ve been for only four weeks now, and I have to tell them I’m leaving for a better job, just as I’ve finally got the right computer access and can actually do the job they’ve spent the past four weeks training me for. Should be interesting.

Meanwhile, here is a pretty good article about the recent trend of people getting southern cross tattoos.

Also, I’ve noticed that since Bjork came over for the sydney festival, everytime i’ve gone out dancing, various remixes of her music have been heard on the dance floor. Like everytime, and not the same tracks just from her recent album, but different ones. Its been great. I get excited every time. 

It’s actually a lovely walk from redfern station to my new home in alexandria, all pretty and tree lined. I quite like my new place, even though I’ve only been here a few days. the indoor toilet is a big plus. I’m a smidge worried that I’m a bit distant from newtown though, and that I’ll miss out on stuff cuz my friends will just forget that i’m down here tucked in just below erskineville. Hopefully I’ve made enough of an impression on their lives that they’ll remember me.

I think this is my favourite website ever:

http://www.stevegjones.com/fearofescalatorshypnosisCDMP3.htm 

I love how it says I can overcome my fear of escalators without prescription! 

Actually, this whole escalator thing is a bit of a problem for me. I can go down them okay, although the longer ones are a bit scary. But going up an escalator anything higher than 1 level is damn near terrifying. And at my new place of work, to get from street level to lobby level requires I go up a very long escalator. Thus, a problem. Internet accounts recommend hypnotherapy, but I’m sure I’d rather go to an actual hypnotherapist than buy hypnotherapy online. 

So, second day, new job.

Pros: half the commuting time as my old job, shiney new building, queers!!!, convenient places to get lunch, interesting new work, no more hearing about colleagues children/marriage plans/family holidays.

Cons: Crowded summer trains and no going against the flow, earlier starts, new job is dealing with money, expensive places to get lunch, bad coffee!!?!, so much to learn and no formal training, hearing about new colleagues’ pets.

I’m not exactly thrilled with the new job. It’s a little daunting. Reports from the parra office were that the sydney office was a bit more hard-core, a bit more old guard, and it’s true, so it’s more pressure, and no more of the goofing off I’ve consistantly been doing since may last year. And while the sydney office is actually new, it is sparsely populated compared to parra. It feels like I’m working in a library. No mucking around here, although a lot more swearing. My new teams leaders read like a bad sitcom from a queer cable tv network. He’s a cat-loving poof, she’s a dog-loving dyke, it’s a classic mis-match comedy tonight on bravo. But real actual true to life queers, rather than the suburban gays at my old workplace. Although they did spend twenty minutes on my first day telling us how much they talk about thier pets. Not actually telling us about thier pets, but telling us about telling us about their pets.

And I’ve tried four coffee places so far, and each one has been offensively insipid. I’m thinking of taking instant in so I don’t have to go through the truama of buying bad espresso each day. Isn’t the city supposed to have good coffee? maybe it’s only the money end of town that does, like between the quay and the park, cuz south of the park is trashy as. I feel like I should be dressing in neon to fit in with the shops. 

ahh, the new job is okay, I’m sure I’ll get used to it all once I’ve settled in. And I don’t miss parra at all, just the peeps I was hanging out with. I’m hoping it gets better though.

So much fuss and stuff and nonsense, the times, they are a’changin’, a rolling stone gathers no moss, ain’t nobody gonna break my stride, ain’t nobody gonna slow me down.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is; stop the world I want to get off. At least just for a little bit. January has been extrordinarily busy. First wave after wave of birthday parties and events to go to, then a new place to live is looked for and found, a new job is offered, accepted and signed off on by all concerned, not to mention all the farewell morning teas and afterwork drinks for other people leaving, then suddenly its my last day in the current job, which happens to coincide with the last day of two other people, and I get home, check the mail, and there’s a letter from the university saying that I can continue in that course I thought I’d dropped out of last year. Turns out through some fluke of paper work I’d dropped out of the subject, but not quite fully dropped out of the degree program, so I can go back if I want. Cra-zay-zy.

So now the question is this; Do I, on top of the new living arrangements, and the new job, restart that law degree? I do have an hour and a half each day extra to play with now that I’ve significantly cut my commute. Maybe I could actually do a law degree… 

Bah! In the past few days I’ve been plagued by terrible headaches, that begin at about midday, and last long into the night. I’m sure it’s a combination of needing new glasses, new monitors at work, and playing my nintendo ds, but the effects are quite debilatating. It makes it some much harder to think. And when the universe throws huge life altering options your way while your trying to remain coherent in the midst of a pounding headache, gosh, it can all just be a little too much. Of course, it would all be so much easier if I new what the hell I wanted to do.

 

’tis the 5th of January, and I’ve nary had a blog post for the new year yet. Mostly this has been cuz I’ve been in lismore, where its been hella raining for two weeks now, and since getting back I’ve been playing with my new nintendo ds, which is totes cool. Trip to lismore was weird this year. Beautiful special moments interspered with feeling horribly lonely and distant from previous years travelling companions (them on farm, me in caravan park, and they never visited). And having to deal with household bills while on holiday put me in a bad mood for a long time (ah, if only things had been organised before holidays!). But thems the breaks. The worst was the rain, the endless sodden rain.

But still, beautiful special moments maketh the memories. Hanging with miss J miss Y was awesome, and getting to know miss E better was way cool too. And spending 12 hours in a car with miss L was delightful. Filling the local water hole with queers as miss A and miss J and I promised ourselves we would two years ago is definately up there. And meeting mr J, upon whom I developed a dreadful crush, was great and unexpected and frustrating all at the same time. And the parties were beautiful love-ins. And having the caravan park inundated with tiny green tree frogs was wonderful (having them find thier way inside the cabin slightly less wonderful).

But the rain was horrible, and left me feeling cut off from everyone. I hated it. and the universe providing me with the perfect size umbrella for my new bag on goes only part way to making up for it. I learned today that the caravan park I was staying at has since been evacuated because of flooding. If this had happened while I was there it would have at least made being stuck in the rain interesting. But no, it just sucked. If this is the best climate change can give me, I want off at the next stop.

So anyway, I was reading miss Y’s blog, and saw she had this list of questions to sum up 2007, so I’m totally copying.

 

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Constructed my own fetish gear/party wear.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Nope, no souffle for me, and nothing occured to me on the night so no resolutions for 08.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yep! I’m an uncle. and my best friend from highschool now has spawn too.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Not very close, but my cousin did, but it was kind of expected.

5. What countries did you visit? None.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? (I’m stealling this one from Miss Y) - Bravery

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? June, cuz it was horrible, for the rain and the moving house and people dying, but bookended by Mr J.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting out of the call centre at work! staying of ADs for a whole year (there were some shakey moments there).

9. What was your biggest failure? droping out of my law degree.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yep. hurt my wrist, and my feet.

11. What was the best thing you bought? dunno, 07 wasn’t big on the aquisition of material goods.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Miss J for coming back.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? The bears of sydney, damn cliquey bunch. That crazy woman who punched me on the street.

14. Where did most of your money go? I’d say an even split between life (food, going out, friends etc), and work (ie, non-life).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Holiday to Brisbane, new house, Mr J,Mr C, Mr B, and other Mr J.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Boys of Melody by the hidden cameras, and Ice cream by Muscles.

17.a) happier or sadder? Happier overall, but sadder right now.
b) thinner or fatter? ’bout the same
c) richer or poorer? technically richer, since I’m getting paid more.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Meeting boys, dancing, getting out of the house.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Nights in, worrying about work.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Did it with the family as usual.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? A few times, but nothing caught.

22. How many one-night stands? more tham some but less than a lot.

23. What was your favorite TV program? the librarians

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No, I actually hate less people.

25. What was the best book you read? I’m gonna go with Nightwatch by Sergei Lucyenenko, not really the best, but one of my favourite ones this year.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Fbi radio!!!!

27. What did you want and get? New job!!!

28. What did you want and not get? more tatts.

29. What was your favourite film of this year? Will have to say the simpsons movie cuz its the only one I remember going to see at the movies.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? turned 29, went out dancing with friends, which is pretty much all I ever want.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? more connections with amazing people.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Refusing to be less casual, and badges!

33. What kept you sane? downtime at home, dancing with friends.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I think I had a thing for Tom Lenk earlier in the year. But nerdy gay boys who produce music always get me.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Those elections thingys, public transport.

36. Who did you miss? I miss miss A a lot.

37. Who was the best new person you met? there’s a few, but I reckon Mr C scrapes ahead by an inch, with honourable mentions to Mr J, Miss E, Miss N, other Mr J, Mr D.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: sometimes you can win the struggle.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: can I do two?

and i dont know how to react
or if i should fight back

(ice cream is gonna save the day)

i dont need a number
i just wanna dance with my shirt off
and i dont want no other
i just wanna dance              Icecream by Muslces

 

Out on the coast
we’ll sit and boast
that "it’s all we need"

Wade through the sand
and find the romance
that we know we need

Boys of melody
And they’ll follow me
And I’ll sing harmony

And it’s all we need
The boys are here with me
We’re happy                 Boys of Melody by the hidden cameras