catch28

I spend an inordinate amount of time doing something that I rarely write about these days. Primarily this would be my job. For the past 6 months I have worked in a small federal government agency, and its been enormously satisfying. After years of working in that other government agency, its so nice to actually like my job, to feel a sense of accomplishment, and to enjoy going to work each day. Sure, about 20% of my job is just spent dealing with crazy people, and there’s things that could be run better. But gosh, I have a window full of afternoon sun each day, enough variety to keep me interested, enough time to get everything done, and pleasent people to work with. I can think of much worse ways to spend my day. And yes, I know its beureaucratic, but I do largely spend a great deal of my time actually helping people. Which is more than I can say I would be doing than if I was working in the financial sector (which is where my skills lie, and I would have been great at, if I cared at all to kill myself by working long hours risking other people’s money).

So today was just a good day. A productive day. I spent the morning in training, and this afternoon got on a roll with my work that I cleared most of tomorrow’s workload. Afterwards I went to the gym, and the supermarket, and then came home and made dinner and watched buffy. All in all a good solid day.

It strikes me as weird, classical economists siding with social conservatives. The basics of market thoery should really have the economists on the side of the social liberationists. I think the reason they don’t comes down to the cost of labour, which is pretty much the biggest cost for a business. But this is stupid and short-sighted of business people. Rather than always trying to reduce the cost of labour, say by eroding workers rights, they should take it as a given, and find other ways to reduce the cost of labour, say by introducing new technology that increases the capacity of your workforce. Reducing labour costs is short-sighted but immediate, and thus gets focused on by business owners. The cycle goes like this; If I can reduce my costs (the biggest being labour), I can increase my profits, which means I can expand my business. The problem here is that the second part of the equation is left off, which goes; if I expand my business I need greater capacity (supply) to meet the greater demand, so I’ll need to expand my workforce, so my costs will go up. Which really is just supply rising to meet demand, which leaves your profits where you started.

The smart thing to do would be to maintain your costs, increase the capacity of your workforce (say by giving them better training, or investing in green energy and put power back into the energy grid). Then rather than using your increased capacity to expand your current market, which would easily drive prices down (static demand plus increase supply equals falling prices to meet the market), find a new market. But how do you find a new market? Well, essentially, in a capitalist first-world economy, you create one, which is what marketing is all about.

And this is why I think gay marriage is pretty much inevitable in Australia.

Because while there’s lots of business clamouring to cut labour costs, there’s also a lot that given up on that and are clamouring for new markets. So it goes like this; increased capacity plus static demand (or in the case of Australia, rapidly increasing supply plus reasonably increasing demand) equals excess supply. This could be stored, say by purchasing government bonds (which takes supply out of the market), or by finding new demand, or creating new demand. Practically, this means creating a new market. And because supply can’t exist without demand (ie, it has to go somewhere), there’s nothing quite as demanding as the market. So where do you find a new market in a fully functioning economy? Well, about 30-35 years ago, someone noticed that bright pink cash cow all the social conservatives had been politely ignoring, and decided to sell them their rights, wrapped up in some pretty consumerist wrapping paper, with sparkles, and gay rights have been rolling forward ever since.

So really, business needs gay marriage, because all the other gay markets have been established, and there’s still lots of excess supply going round.  Which is why I think the neo-cons aren’t really good economists, because classical economic theory says that if there is a market for it, well supply must meet demand, and there’s a market for gay marriage as there is both supply and demand for it.

I could really go on and on, about how the whole system works, and how it’ll eventually get there for most people. The reason capitalism is so strong is that it works. But it takes no account of immediate human suffering. Supply and demand will always move to meet each other under capitalism, but this is a process of weeks, months, years, and centuries, and it grinds people down. And it’s really giving all power to the market, and do we really want that? Because at the end of it all we still have human agency, the capacity to say no (which is why some markets fail), and I’d rather power stay in the hands of people.

So last saturday I went house hunting, and found this absolutely beautiful one bedroom art deco apartment in peterham. It was stunning. Which found me on sunday running around getting my shit together to put in an application on the place. Which found me at work at 8am on monday morning, hurridly scanning things onto computer, because they don’t accept faxed applications! So, I put together this pretty sweet email, attached all my documents in pdf format, and sent it off to the real estate agent, hoping they’d pick me.

I loved this place, it was so good I actually dreamt about living there every night from saturday when i first saw it, through til last night. I even found myself fantasizing about men doing naughty things to me in the apartment, when I was having special me time. And yes, it was hotter cuz it was in that apartment. So anyway, I get to today, and I get a call from the real estate agent. Yep, you guessed it, I didn’t get the apartment.

but… appearently they loved my application, and Sylvia, the property manager, told Amy, the real estate peon, to make sure she called me because there is another apartment in the building coming up in two weeks, and they wanted to keep my application in perference for that apartment, so if I liked it I wouldn’t have to put in a new application.

Now, is it just me, or is that just a little weird? I had no idea I had somehow made the transition from scungey student renter to professional urban renter. Have I crossed that mythical line where real estate agents no longer treat me like something they scraped off the bottom of their shoe, and was now a preferred reliable tenent? Can that even happen in Sydney? Its freaking me out. 

The problem with being in the middle of something, is that it’s hard to gain perspective. The beginning is back there, somewhere in the past, and things were different then, and the end is still a hazy distance off in the future, too distant to know how things will look like. People comment while you’re in then middle of it, exclaiming at your progress, how well it’s going, how good it must be for you, and all you can think is "it’s just what i’m doing now." You can’t take thier words on board, cuz it isn’t finished, this isn’t where you want to be, this is just the middle, and there’s still a long way to go. And it’s strange, because I’ve already spent most of my year doing this, so much time, so many hours, so many days, while everythings been going on around me. It feels like things! stuff! events! are happening to everyone else, and I plod on, more hours, more days, thinking maybe, when I get there, I’ll be able to see where I’ve been, and think its all been worth it, but right now i just don’t know. It’s just what I’m doing now.

I have been intensely vague these past few days, trying to work out what combination of physical deficiencies are causing me to be unable to function except at the most shallowest of levels. I get up, get dressed for work, walk to work, coast through my job, go to gym, run, walk home, sleep. Hours and days pass in yellow autumn sunlight and cold autumn winds and i’m barely there at all. Am I getting enough sleep? not enough carbs? vegetables? too much physical activity? are my glasses not strong enough for staring that the computer screen? I’ve disappeared somewhere deep into my brain but unable to work out how or when to come back. I spend my days in this strange zen state, and can barely get my heart rate up even when running. I take measured rythmic breaths and wonder how much time has past.

At work yesterday, during a training session for my new job, I was told that even if I found the job boring, I could console myself with the knowledge that I’m working to preserve a fundamental human right. Which is nice and all, but my first thought after thinking that its more a social right we bestow upone ourselves in the belief we’re somewhat civilised rather than anything fundamental to being human, was that the annoying thing about working in such a job, especially when you’ve done all sorts of social activism, is that it lets you clearly see how restricted it is, how damaged it was by the political process, how many exemptions there are because some group or other still wanted to be able to discriminate and fuck people over. Which is kind of a depressing thought after just four days on the job. Oh well, at least I’ve already built up an hour of flex.

Maybe its just the left over chemicals and chronic lack of sleep, but it feels like something changed this weekend. Which is strange, cuz it seemed oddly subdued for a long weekend. Despite that there were still a plethora of those moments that you remember the next day and smile privately to yourself. It seems a shame to return to the mundanity of work tomorrow. Overall I think I’ve had a net increase in happiness over the weekend.

It’s actually a lovely walk from redfern station to my new home in alexandria, all pretty and tree lined. I quite like my new place, even though I’ve only been here a few days. the indoor toilet is a big plus. I’m a smidge worried that I’m a bit distant from newtown though, and that I’ll miss out on stuff cuz my friends will just forget that i’m down here tucked in just below erskineville. Hopefully I’ve made enough of an impression on their lives that they’ll remember me.

It’s mostly over, the hard bits anyway. I’ve moved into my new place, and I’ve moved some stuff back to my parents house. Moving this time has absolutely sucked, but I’m feeling much better about it now that it’s almost over. We’ve still got to clean the old place, but that’s sooooo much easier to do now that its mostly empty. Not sure how I’ll go in the new place, but it seems okay. Its worked out that my conservative estimate about how much it would cost was pretty accurate, which is good cuz I was thinking it coulda been much more expensive, but still sucky cuz I can’t afford to go to mardi gras.

Anyway, tentative housewarming date is second weekend after mardi gras. 

 

’tis the 5th of January, and I’ve nary had a blog post for the new year yet. Mostly this has been cuz I’ve been in lismore, where its been hella raining for two weeks now, and since getting back I’ve been playing with my new nintendo ds, which is totes cool. Trip to lismore was weird this year. Beautiful special moments interspered with feeling horribly lonely and distant from previous years travelling companions (them on farm, me in caravan park, and they never visited). And having to deal with household bills while on holiday put me in a bad mood for a long time (ah, if only things had been organised before holidays!). But thems the breaks. The worst was the rain, the endless sodden rain.

But still, beautiful special moments maketh the memories. Hanging with miss J miss Y was awesome, and getting to know miss E better was way cool too. And spending 12 hours in a car with miss L was delightful. Filling the local water hole with queers as miss A and miss J and I promised ourselves we would two years ago is definately up there. And meeting mr J, upon whom I developed a dreadful crush, was great and unexpected and frustrating all at the same time. And the parties were beautiful love-ins. And having the caravan park inundated with tiny green tree frogs was wonderful (having them find thier way inside the cabin slightly less wonderful).

But the rain was horrible, and left me feeling cut off from everyone. I hated it. and the universe providing me with the perfect size umbrella for my new bag on goes only part way to making up for it. I learned today that the caravan park I was staying at has since been evacuated because of flooding. If this had happened while I was there it would have at least made being stuck in the rain interesting. But no, it just sucked. If this is the best climate change can give me, I want off at the next stop.

So anyway, I was reading miss Y’s blog, and saw she had this list of questions to sum up 2007, so I’m totally copying.

 

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Constructed my own fetish gear/party wear.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Nope, no souffle for me, and nothing occured to me on the night so no resolutions for 08.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yep! I’m an uncle. and my best friend from highschool now has spawn too.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Not very close, but my cousin did, but it was kind of expected.

5. What countries did you visit? None.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? (I’m stealling this one from Miss Y) - Bravery

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? June, cuz it was horrible, for the rain and the moving house and people dying, but bookended by Mr J.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting out of the call centre at work! staying of ADs for a whole year (there were some shakey moments there).

9. What was your biggest failure? droping out of my law degree.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yep. hurt my wrist, and my feet.

11. What was the best thing you bought? dunno, 07 wasn’t big on the aquisition of material goods.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Miss J for coming back.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? The bears of sydney, damn cliquey bunch. That crazy woman who punched me on the street.

14. Where did most of your money go? I’d say an even split between life (food, going out, friends etc), and work (ie, non-life).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Holiday to Brisbane, new house, Mr J,Mr C, Mr B, and other Mr J.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Boys of Melody by the hidden cameras, and Ice cream by Muscles.

17.a) happier or sadder? Happier overall, but sadder right now.
b) thinner or fatter? ’bout the same
c) richer or poorer? technically richer, since I’m getting paid more.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Meeting boys, dancing, getting out of the house.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Nights in, worrying about work.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Did it with the family as usual.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? A few times, but nothing caught.

22. How many one-night stands? more tham some but less than a lot.

23. What was your favorite TV program? the librarians

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No, I actually hate less people.

25. What was the best book you read? I’m gonna go with Nightwatch by Sergei Lucyenenko, not really the best, but one of my favourite ones this year.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Fbi radio!!!!

27. What did you want and get? New job!!!

28. What did you want and not get? more tatts.

29. What was your favourite film of this year? Will have to say the simpsons movie cuz its the only one I remember going to see at the movies.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? turned 29, went out dancing with friends, which is pretty much all I ever want.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? more connections with amazing people.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Refusing to be less casual, and badges!

33. What kept you sane? downtime at home, dancing with friends.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I think I had a thing for Tom Lenk earlier in the year. But nerdy gay boys who produce music always get me.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Those elections thingys, public transport.

36. Who did you miss? I miss miss A a lot.

37. Who was the best new person you met? there’s a few, but I reckon Mr C scrapes ahead by an inch, with honourable mentions to Mr J, Miss E, Miss N, other Mr J, Mr D.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: sometimes you can win the struggle.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: can I do two?

and i dont know how to react
or if i should fight back

(ice cream is gonna save the day)

i dont need a number
i just wanna dance with my shirt off
and i dont want no other
i just wanna dance              Icecream by Muslces

 

Out on the coast
we’ll sit and boast
that "it’s all we need"

Wade through the sand
and find the romance
that we know we need

Boys of melody
And they’ll follow me
And I’ll sing harmony

And it’s all we need
The boys are here with me
We’re happy                 Boys of Melody by the hidden cameras